does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dear god my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
