Sry I called you an 8
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
