If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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