Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
