You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A+ Viking dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
