Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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