Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
