so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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