hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
