Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
