Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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