It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
