I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize