I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He passed out mid-signature
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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