Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
