Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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