did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
