This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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