We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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