you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
