I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
