I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
