I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
