I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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