I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
