In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
