so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
