whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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