you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
vagina is talking i cant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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