This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
