I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize