What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
