Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
