she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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