i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
