i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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