she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
