All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
