if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
