Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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