I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
