Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
