you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
