highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
