And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
