When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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