he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
