do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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