took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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