I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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