don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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