She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.