he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it