I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need moral support for this bender
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice