her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
