It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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