I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
