break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Houston, we have a squirter
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
