There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
