I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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