He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
