Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
