god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
