i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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