At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
