i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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