will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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