my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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