Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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