cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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