Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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