I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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