That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize