just come out here and I will go home with you...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
MIDGETS
????
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize