How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm like, not good at living.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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