I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize