She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
